hackholiday fun
by KiteThe5thAlice
Summary: Hello people this fic is pretty much stuff from 4koma and so on. New stuff will come so enjoy and please check out chapter 5 for details on the new requirments. RxR PlEaSe
1. Prologue for Xmas

NOTE THIS IS JUST A PROLOGUE The real story is after this AND review please its for the authors ≦（* ∀ *）≧

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Today is Christmas day and now in the world is filled with snow and singing.

Haseo: GOD i hate the holidays its so jolly and more importantly anoying especially in R:1.I *walk up and see something pretty disturbing*

Imagination: apparently kite was wearing a reindear suit but it was a little odd looking. the antlers were fuzzy and green while he whore a coller as wide as his head.

Kite: (jumps into haseo) hey haseo-nii chan, what do you think of my costume :-) will atoli like it and do you know where she is???

Haseo:why the hell would I know!

Kite: but your friends with her she MUST know plus I got her that knife she wanted.

Haseo: ..k-knife, what the hell does she want a knife.

Kite: Don't know??? (smacks haseo on the head with a gift)

Haseo's Imagination: Why does he hate me so much. damn you, you gay homosexual

Kite: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! its a present from me since you came to this world not to long ago and i wanted to say I'm sorry for showing you the wrong finger :-) I was trying to show you the pinkie honest.

Haseo's Imagination: I know he showed it on purpose no way I could trust this psycho, the gift probably has a damn punching mitt in it or maybe a poisonous snake.

**As Haseo tries to get away, someone bumps him.**

Haseo's Imagination: WTF its elk and that endrance guy TOGETHER. I think this is a bad idea to stay but kite grabbed my hand knowing i would try to run away. damn you!!!

Endrance: Oh, haseo merry Christmas, apparently I found my old self hugging some monster screaming mia over and over.

Elk: whaaaaaa, I wanna se mia chan D_:

HI: god why do i have to be stuck with a psycho, a gay guy, and a crybaby, damnit. worse a suicidal person came and started to throw presents at me.

Haseo: Atoli why are you here, I thought you where at moontree trying to get kite to join.

Kite: HA you did know where she was haseo-chan ~ liar, and atoli you tried to make me join a guild.... AWESOME XD

Atoli: yeah but Sakaki was affraid of something and just said no more. I don't know why he doesn't want you to join?

Haseo: He probably doesn't want a nother person like atoli, heh I can understand his pain.

Kite: Hi Yasohiko long time no see, so who are you gonna sleep with on Christmas.

Orca: what the heck do you mean, I don't sleep with anyone.. and stop calling me yasohiko.

Kite: oh your right your too old for it. oh haseo i forgot that i got you costume to were with me.

Haseo: Oh Hell No.

Kite: come on I need an elf and I got costumes for everyone so you won't be alone.

HI: I think hes going to take pictures of me and put them on the forums or show ovan my embarassment of being elfed. I just hope nobody else who is crazy will come to visit me.

Piros: Hello people.

Haseo: F*CK

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sorry it has to end so shortly but i will continue shortly on the actual day of christmas plus I don't own the .hack franchise got that


	2. Actual Xmas Time

I do not own the .hack franchise and this is pretty much the most bit of what happens and earlier chapter was just a getting ready start also I will stop when I'm done with every holiday and if you have any ideas to what holiday you want to hear about tell me.

If you don't Review this poor writers will die of Overwritingstoriesinitis so think of the authors Q(*w*Q) ---- hugs poor dead authors

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Oh ~

Jingle Bells ~

Oh ~

Jingle Bells ~

How much I hate to Jingle ~

Oh ~

Jingle Bells ~

Oh ~

Jingle Bells ~

Damn its so cold in siberia ~

Haseo: What the hell are you singing.

Kite: its jingle bells :-) and its so I could get some cookies if i carol.

Haseo: -_- Like that will happen, but why do you still where that damn reighndear suit?

Kite: what do you mean, Oh its so I get quadruple the amount of cookie I mean dwon't Iw Lwook awdowable (^_^)

Haseo: yaaa.. right..

**Mistral bumps into haseo *again* with blackrose fallowing**

Blackrose: yo merry christmas everbody.

Mistral: I heard there is a rare item today heheh RARE ITEM RARE ITEM RARE ITEM RARE ITEM RARE ITEM RARE ITEM RARE ITEM !!!!!

Everbody: SHUT UP!

Mistral:*crys* awww your mean TT_TT

Kite: ooh let go have a compitition today, I can invite Orca since hes back to being an asshole and play this game.

Blackrose: ya thats a good idea and we can invite all of our new and old friends.

Kite: but haseo is not that old.

Haseo: STOP ignoring me and what makes you think I'm not old.

Kite: well your sora here but you lost your memory but your also in the future so its a cross of time so its like old + new = Med so your in between of age... I think *punches haseo then pats him* plus your also a compitition to me yet your not, so I'm confused.

**Piros comes dashing in**

Piros: hark he of fair eyes I heard your having a compitition with the future people can I join since I want to see how thy I've grown

Everyone: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!

Piros: but

Kite: *smiles in a scary way* if you come close to us in this compitition I will use my little friend on you and same goes by your future slef.

Piros: *runs away clumsily*

Haseo: wow can't beli-

Kite: (^w^) if you say that we're the same in anyway then you'll truelly see me as Tri-edge after I'm done with you.

Haseo: o_O wtf is wrong with you

Kite: *acts confused in a cute childish way* what do you mean haseo chan.

Blackrose: hello I'm still here

Kite: when did you get here :-)

Blackrose: i've been here for hours next to sobbing mistral and apearently atoli is with me as well.

**Bear and Orca come in fighting while Subaru and Tsukasa are hugging in love who are being fallowed by Ginken**

Blackrose: you do know tsukasa is a girl, right subaru

Subara: ... maybe but in this world he's a guy so I got a chance hehe

Tsukasa: and I also know but I act a lot like a guy so don't worry this is not yuri, it is in real life but here its just vitural se- aw I mean love.

Bear: Oi kite want to fight for fun *acting like Orca*

Kite: no thanks I'm trying to look rapable to pedos so that when people see they will feel sad and give me goodies and more importantly cookies.

Orca: oh I wish I could just relax for christmas time.

**Meanwhile back at Hidden Forbiden Holy Grounds**

Mia: *smoking aromatic grass* elk are you sure this is pure and we're in a church isn't this illegal.

Elk: don't worry where in a game we violate hundreds of real life laws in here so don't worry.

Sora: Bamyun hello everybody have you seen crim I want to say merry christmas to him before I act nice to him

Elk & Mia: nope not a clue

**Back to our main people since I care less about them and thought of nothing else**

Kite: *ripes haseo's clothes off and grabs and odd elf suit and puts is on haseo

Haseo: wtf I said I will not were it.

Kite: but you have to or else I wont get 10x the cookies and plus you bearly have to sing since there are only players and like no houses.

Haseo: _ fine. damnit

Haseo & Kite: *leaves to sing to the players*

Blackrose: I'm gonna watching this, see ya *runs to haseo & kite while hidding so they won't see her*

Mistral: *long gone*

Bear: well lots of people are leaving.

Orca: yes, yes indead.

Orca & Bear: *teleports to some random hotsprings*

Subaru: now that we're alone, come get me.

Tsukasa: 'Meow' w

"Imagine for yourselves on what there doing"

**Back to Haseo and Kite**

Kite: Oh jingle bells ~ Oh jingle bells ~ oh how I wish I stop Jingling

Haseo: I wont sing these damn songs there rediculous

Kite: but I made them simple enough for an idiot to understand and I matched there melody to your complection

Haseo: I'm not the idiot you are

Kite: I am in other people's fanfiction but this author loves me and hates you so she paired me with you

Haseo: The author is an ASSHOLE

*thunder shocks haseo*

Kite: best not to anger the author cause I mean she is stronger then aura and shes making this story so she could make you do something so stupid that you would never recover from... so carry on, on pissing her off.

Haseo: and I thought we were getting along so well.

**END**

Haseo: GOD YES

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≦（* ∀ *）≧ Hope you like it and have a Merry Christmas!!! ≦（* ∀ *）≧


	3. Adventure Part 1

Hello I'm late for New Years but what the heck I was early for back to the subject. Apparently I do own .hack but I had the books all along its just I didn't know own meant to have, I thought it was like created or something. Haseo here is now starting to see friendship with kite but now mimiru comes in with blackrose fighting her, as seen by atoli and shino and now there fighting by the influence of blackrose and mimiru. ALSO this does not take place in .hack//link its a cross of only R:1 & R:2 no R:X, sorry folks.

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Kite: Woohoo I'm rich!!

Haseo: with.. cookies...

Kite: yeah man XD

Haseo: _

Blackrose and mimiru come in fighting.

Blackrose: BITCH BITCH BITCH!!!

Mimiru: MORON MORON MORON!!!

Kite: calm down ladies, don't fight infront of a hero or you'll be the villian to me

Blackrose & Mimiru: SHUT UP KITE (hits kite on the head), HEY DON'T COPY ME, STOP IT, DAMNIT.

Haseo: well aren't they bonding

Kite: y, y, yeah T-T

Atoli & Shino come in.

Haseo: shino happy new ye-

Shino: You bitch stop copying me.

Atoli: well I was here first and stayed here FIRST! so your the one copying.

Haseo: influenced by mimiru and blackrose I guessed.

Kite: just like the authur said.

Haseo: DON'T TALK ABOUT OUTSIDE STORY (hits kite on the head)

Kite: (cries) is my head a button to be smashed on.. well its not!!!

Haseo: but the hat looks like a button.

Kite: then I'll wear different clothes (leaves)

Atoli & Blackrose: BITCH BITCH BITCH!!

Shino & Mimiru: MORON MORON MORON!!!

Haseo: runs to kite for no reason.

Kite: oh haseo hello, why are you here?

Haseo: getting away from a fight that could kill me.

Piros The Third comes in.

Piros The Third: Hark he of fair eyes 1 and 2.

Kite & Haseo: oh shoot.

Kite: oh ya I forgot to say this but why didn't you pick Piros in R:2 or Why The Third instead of The Second or The First?

Piros The Third: well see someone already took the name Piros and when I tried doing Piros The second and First... well it was takin, too.

Kite & Haseo: o_O what kind of person wants your name.

Piros R:1 pops in

Piros R:1: Hark, He of fair eyes 1 and 2.

Kite & Haseo: sorry the future you already said that _

Piros, Piros The First, & Piros The Second came in pumped

Haseo: who the hell are you two.

Piros, Piros The First, & Piros The Second: we're Piros Fans, we have a guild called the Doberman3

Piros R:1 & Piros The Third: EEEEEKKKK we have fans it truly is a lovely New Years X3 Lets exercise our minds and make hundreds maybe thousands of adventures!!!

Piros ,Piros The First, & Piros The Second: WOOHOO HELL YES.

Piros, Piros The First, Piros The second, Piros R:1, & Piros Third: Hark, He of fair eyes 1 and 2 come and adventure with us

Kite: OH SHIT ITS A PIROS INVASION RUN OR YOU'LL BE PIROSTIZED AND HAVE A EAR SORE THEME SONG.

Haseo: Kite calm down theres only a few piros guys.

Kite: b, b, b, b, but theres a WHOLE guild of people like him T-T

Haseo: OH SHIT YOUR RIGHT RUN!!!

All The Piros: Hark Fair eyes 1 come with us.

Kite: what about Haseo.

All Piros: but your the nicest guy to us.

Kite: No I'm not I always try to dat- oh ya (brings out his right arm) DRAIN HEART!!!

Nothing happens...

Kite: wait WHAT how did it fail I had enough to do a flawless data drain.

All Piros: Its our love for adventuring and graphics :3 (grabs kite and runs away to adventure)

Haseo: OH SHIT THEY KIDNAPPED KITE... WOOHOO ITS A DREAM COME TRUE TTwTT who knew piros was actually useful. I think I can now be happy with no tri-edge.

Angel Haseo pops up.

Angel Haseo: but you know Kite was never Tri-Edge and that Ovan was.

Devil Haseo pops up.

Devil Haseo: don't listen to that none emo priss. just relax and enjoy the no kite life.

Angel Haseo: but its not right and I'm you, you know we're all the same but haseo's conshince

Devil Haseo: SHUT THE HELL UP, your nothing like me!!!

Angel Haseo: but he should still save him so he can make kite his slave.

Devil Haseo: ooh good idea he he. maybe you are like me.

Angel Haseo: in your dreams emo prissy.

Angel & Devil Haseo disappear

Haseo: ok time to save Kite for him to be my complete slave hehe (thinking scary thoughts) hehe NOM NOM NOM.

TO BE CONTINUED

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KiteThe5thAlice: bwahahaha *cough**cough* sorry little laugh sickness.. Oh ya I'm evil enough to make a continue

Kite: thats not evil.

KiteThe5thAlice: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOUR RUINING THE CONTINUE PART (kicks kite out of here)

Haseo: he he moron.

KiteThe5thAlice: WTF (kicks haseo out of here)

Atoli: wow look at haseo fly.

KiteThe5thAlice: OH COME ON (looks around) (sees a line of .hack characters) O[]O

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KiteThe5thAlice: imagine all of the other bits of what they think so you won't feel sad for some parts if its something you hate and I have no spell checker so there will be miss spelled words.


	4. Adventure Part 2 & Party

WeLoCoMe sorry for being late it was kinda hard to find out stuff to write oh well.

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**At an Ice cream store.**

Haseo: hmm what should I get Chocolate or vanilla... hmmmmm

Atoli: get vanilla its white and creamy

Haseo: ok I'll get Chocolate plz

Atoli: I'll get Chocolate, too sir. oh u sakaki what are you gonna get?

Sakaki: one big dose of Aida plz

Ovan: *as the Ice cream man* as you wish but be carful *whispers to sakaki* and beat haseo this time.

Sakaki: yes master.

Haseo: ok then um I'm gonna leave now... Bye!

Atoli: me too sorry sakaki

Ovan & sakaki: *stares into evil plots* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ovan: no you don't laugh I laugh got that or no special aida for you.

Sakaki soorrryyy.

**at (delta)Shining Your Field**

Elk: MIA.... MIA..... where are you! I got delicous smokable aromatic grass.

Mia: *jumps out of no where* MINE *Starts smoking the Aromatic grass*

Elk: mia there you are mia, I was worried sick

Mia: grrrr

Elk: oh so you were there with him

Mia: nya nya

Elk: stay away from him plz

Endrance: But I love her so much she is my mia...

Elk: STAY AWAY YOUR A GAY...

Endrance: I'm not gay... I just like haseo since he saved me... from my despair

Mia: *Starts to kiss, snuggle and hump Endrance*

Elk: O_O

Endrance: now now don't do that your embarrassing me

Elk: *tackled endrance* get away from her, Mia run

Endrance: *fights back* no way she is my lover... my friend

Elk: *kicks endrance in the balls* Take this cat stealer

Endrance: oof damn that hurt... take this * starts to hit him dirty*

Mia: *getting this on tape* ooh now touch each other in dirty places.

Elk: I'll do it for you mia *grabs Endrance ass and then starts to rub it.

Endrance: HAH I can beat that *censored*

Elk: O_O damnit... I lost

Mia: *at the computer* I'm gonna be rich tehehe

back to haseo

Haseo: kite, KITE, KITE DAMNIT

Kite: WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG!!!

Haseo: ice cream .

Kite: IT TOOK YOU 3 MONTHS 3 MOJNTHS!!! sigh -_- just untie me..

Haseo: no...

Kite: THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE

Haseo: I wanted to laugh in your misery

Kite: you are a pain in the ass

Azure Kite: raaaahhh

Haeso: TRI-EDGE I'LL KICK YOUR ASS

10 seconds later

Haseo: damnit I'm losing kite help me

Kite: zzzzzzz *snore*

Haseo: *slaps kite* WAKE UP MORON. help me beat tri-edge.

Kite: I see no one

Haseo: he's right th- wait he's gone, HE'S GONE. DAMNIT

Kite: right um well at least I'm free so... I'm gonna leave now and get mister fall down bear see ya

Haseo: *twitches* ok so kite is tri-edge theres no mistake *gets out broad sword* I'm gonna kill you tri-edge

Kite: *sneaks behind him and ties him up* see ya emo boy finally I can be the HEROOO!!!!!

Haseo: Untie me now damnit.

Kite: stop saying damnit

Haseo: fine bastard

Kite: so how will I know that you won't say damnit

Haseo: DAMNIT JUST UNTIE ME MORON

Kite: see ya *runs to tv and watches fall down bear*

Haseo: o_O you bastard I'll kill you and get back shino

Kite: -_- *sips tea* shut up emo copy

**going back to atoli and sakaki**

Atoli: sakaki can we have a birthday party.

Sakaki: NO

Atoli: how about now?

Sakaki: NO

Atoli: can kite plz join.

Sakaki: OH HELL NO

Atoli: but today is a holiday...

Sakaki: _ celebrate it with haseo or with alkaid just leave me alone.

Atoli: aww pwlease sakaki I'll show those videos of ha-se-o ~

Sakaki: the ones of a typical teen?

Atoli: yes

Sakaki: OK MOON TREE GET READY TO PARTY FOR MARTIN LUTHER KINGS B-DAY

Atoli: woo hoo party party.

Haseo: yo atoli

Atoli: you shouldn't be here

Haseo: what the hell made you think that.

Atoli: I know things

Kite: WOOHOO COME ON I'M FREE LADIES SO SHAKE THEM ASS XD

Haseo: thats disturbing right atoli.. huh where did you go

Atoli: WOOHOO KITE COME AND PARTY WITH ME XD

Haseo: O_O

BT: I wanna join too *dances by bouncing* woop woop woop

Orca: ha ha BT you suck at this

BT: *kicks orca's ass* oh shut up yasuhiko

Balmung: never hurt the fine lady's heart Yasuhiko

Orca: how does everyone know my name?

Everybody: kite

Orca: I should get a hypnotist or maybe an assassin

Sora: *next to kite* Bamyoon Bamyoon *does the monkey dance*

Tsukaska: *does monkey dance too* yay yay come on subaru

Haseo: hey its unison all over again...

Mimiru: how do you know.

Haseo: I watched .Hack//Unison

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END END END GOT THAT oh and I hate haseo... also

THE WORLD NEEDS MORE FALL DOWN BEAR SO WATCH IT NOW!!!!!


	5. No Time, New Stuff?

Kite: Hello everybody sorry it took long, BUT we're back!

Haseo: oh joy...

Atoli: today is not a normal day because one thing is, our author is a couch patato!

KiteThe5thAlice: ya I kinda'f thinking on a different story at a time but I guess I never thought for this story so It will be a special extra for you viewers.

Kite: the thing is that she wants us to do what ever the viewers like!

Pi: and we will act it out for you but we need at least four different types of story.

Kite: Hi O-pi Sama!

Pi: SHUT UP!

***note kite makes it sound like Oppai and in japan it means boobs and sama means master***

Kite: it must involve some sort of holiday.

KiteThe5thAlice: and because my school ended on may 27th I might do the story as a time where the heros and such go to Watar "World" and come close to the end of school because I think it's joyous for no school... and don't comment on my opinion.

Haseo: Plus if you make any ideas for Water "World" Our damn... Author will gladly accept.

Atoli: and please make it a little apropriate, I mean its okay to want any yuri or yaoi... but not too nasty!

Pi: so please enjoy for the next update.


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